To Hell With Honor
by The Norveyan
Summary: Movie night had sounded like a great idea. For Satoshi, recently discharged from the clinic and recovering, a quiet evening with Shion had seemed like a good way to help rebuild their delayed relationship. But as the TV is turned off, they soon find something far more interesting between them. Each other. Rated M for Mature romance (Not lemon/slash fic).


_September 3rd, Showa 58. _

'_May you live in interesting times.'_ Shion had never been sure to take that as a curse or a blessing. Like most things in her life, it was probably both. It was the last thing she'd seen before abandoning St. Lucia and its suffocating regime of discipline. There it had been, drawn in black and white on a chalkboard in the hall beside the entrance she'd snuck out of. She hadn't noticed it at the time, but over the past year it had come to mind again and again.

Torture. Heartbreak. Living in secret. Forbidden romance. Death-defying feats of courage. Terrifying violence. Her life since coming back home had lived up to the proverb, sometimes she couldn't believe it had happened at all. Anymore than she could believe in the existence of the soft, warm presence at her side with his arms wrapped around her, head on her lap as she sat back on the couch.

Softly, she stroked Satoshi's mess of hair. The gentle sound of his breath rose and fell with hers, and imparted a sense of deep peace. He had that effect on her, and she still wondered how he was so damn _good _at it. By just being around her, he induced her to relax, slow down, and soften. It didn't take much for the fierce, independent Sonozaki Shion to become a mild, complacent doll in his hands.

Of course, he was in her hands now. The movie which had been playing had been switched off awhile ago as the plot shifted to something more heavy with action. Even a few months after the fact, the tinny rattle of gunfire from the TV speakers and the flashing images on the screen had caused her to tense up with anxiety as reminders of that furious fighting in the tunnels beneath the manor came to mind. Satoshi had noticed, and had turned the TV off.

Satoko had gone to sleep at Rika's that night, a fairly common occurrence, leaving them alone in the main room of the Hōjō house. Part of Shion wanted to call it 'their house', but she had to tell herself it was a little soon for that. The status of her relationship with Satoshi wasn't in any question, but he'd been awake from a year-long coma for barely a month and a half, and had only moved back a few weeks ago.

Besides, it wasn't like they were that far in their relationship. They'd only gone so far as kissing on a few occasions. And while she had toyed with the idea of pushing things a little further this evening, she wasn't willing to do anything the quieter, more timid boy wasn't ready for. A tiny flush of heat rolled up her as she recalled Irie politely and discreetly recommending she kept 'physical activity to a minimum' while the boy's bone density and muscle mass recovered from a year of atrophy.

_No rush, you filthy animal. He needs to recover, and it isn't as though I'm letting him go anywhere. _She told herself, smirking at the thought and reactively squeezed his shoulder. That made him look up, a soft look on his face.

"Hey." She said gently. He smiled at her.

"Hey you." He said, sitting against the sofa. Instinctively she scooted over against him, pressing her side to his.

"I didn't say you could leave." She teased, stretching her arms around him.

"It's my house." He said. _Our house._ She had to bite back from saying.

"But you're mine, and I didn't say you could leave." She blushed at the corniness of the line, and she raised her hand behind his head and leaning forward as she softly pulled his head towards her, kissing him on the lips before he could speak. The feeling of warm content seeped through her as she closed her eyes and let the kiss carry her for a moment, gently kneading the back of his head. A flush of heat went through her as he responded to the kiss, working into it and resting his hand on her side.

This was familiar territory. A game they'd played several times already since he'd been discharged. A sharp thrill of excitement ran up her spine and she ran her hands down his side without thought, pushing a little more into the kiss. She paused at his flinch, but he didn't give any other hint of discomfort. Emboldened, she let her fingers run further, softly caressing his side.

He responded, tightening his grip on her side and pulling himself closer, his hand running up along her head, gently running his fingers through her hair, sending a wave of gratification through her. _Keep it together Shion. _

Encouraged, she let her hand fall to his waist, and crawl up beneath the hem of his shirt. The soft warmth of his bare skin sent sparks through her, and it was only his abrupt reaction that kept her from going much further.

He clenched up at the touch, and in a moment she'd pulled away from him with a pang of guilt. _Stupid, stupid! He's barely out of bed and you want to drag him right back into one! _She tore herself down mentally as a flush of red ran across her face. She should have known better than to get too aggressive; besides still recovering, the poor boy was far too prone to suggestion and she'd never forgive herself if she pressured him into anything he wasn't ready for.

"Sorry, sorry." She apologized meekly, guilt filling up her gut. Satoshi sat there looking startled and worried.

"Shion, are you okay?" He asked with concern. "I didn't do anything did I? I'm sorry, I hope I didn't- I didn't mean to go too far." He said, radiating such guilt and concern that Shion's heart almost cracked. _How the hell did I end up with someone as kind as you? _She wondered, then smiled and gently.

"No, silly boy. You couldn't possibly do anything to overwhelm me." She laughed and kissed him again. "It's not you, it's just me and my- Sorry. I don't mean to go too fast or anything… Just, I want what you want. Please, you decide how fast, how far things go, okay?'' She watched as he put the pieces together, then a deep flush spread across his face and he smiled awkwardly.

"Oh.. No it's fine, what you did- I mean, I didn't mind.. It was nice." The way his stammer combined with his blush sent a wave of desire through her and she resisted the urge to wrap him up and pull him over her like a blanket. "Besides, I'm not that weak." He joked, gently shoving her shoulder. She grinned as she rocked back and forth on her seat.

"Oh yeah? Is that a fact?" She said as she leaned over and stared him in the eyes. For a moment she saw him tense, and then lean forward to kiss her again. This time differently, this time with a bit more excitement. Blood rushed through her as she pushed back into the kiss, cautiously placing her hand out to his side again, sliding beneath his shirt and softly caressing him. She felt a shiver roll through him and grinned into the kiss, feeling up his stomach and chest, every spark of feeling driving her further into passion.

Her eyes fell closed as she sank into the sensations of the kiss. A jolt shot through her as she felt his hand playing with the gap between her skin and shirt, sliding up her back to hold her firm. They pushed back against each other, passion accelerating until finally they both broke away for a breath. Shion opened her eyes and saw as he caught some air, a mixture of giddiness and nervousness dancing in his eyes. Again she wanted to pull him against her and squeeze him so tight he could never get away, blood rushing through her ears.

_Is this okay?_ Was the question stamped across Satoshi's face as he stared at her. She thought it was an easy answer. _Of course it is._ But was it? They were young. They hadn't _really_ known each other for more than a few months, not counting his time in the clinic. He was recovering physically and mentally, and before that he'd been such an awkward, absent-minded, easily distracted boy that at one point Shion had half-joked to herself that he couldn't legally give consent.

Was it okay? In front of her, just inches away and so close she could feel the warmth of his breath on her, was a boy she loved in a way she had never imagined possible before. Through the buckets of hormones and emotions raging through her veins, she asked herself who she was doing this for? Herself, or him?

"Satoshi-kun, its okay. We only go as far as you want." She tenderly rolled her fingers across his cheek. "I don't want you to do anything you aren't ready for."

He hesitantly leaned toward her, and then with a sharp motion pressed his lips to hers. She was caught by a moment of surprise, then enthusiastically pressed back into the kiss. It did not remain just a kiss for long, with their hands renewing their touches and caresses with vigor. She readjusted herself to face him better and let him have better access as his lips drifted from hers and began pecking at her jawbone. A thrill lit up her nerves at the sensation, while Satoshi's sudden boldness triggered her smoldering desire in a way she could barely control.The thoughts caused her heart to skip a beat as pulled his head a little closer towards her, her hands carefully moving across his body, stopping at the slightest hint of reaction, before being sure it was okay to move on.

She froze for a moment as his lips brushed her neck, softly pecking his way down toward her collarbone.. She was keenly aware as his head began to drift lower, and his hand fell toward her waist, softly kneading the skin with a hint of neediness and desire that sent her head pounding. She swallowed a shiver, stroking his back intensely, then noticed he had stopped. He was breathing heavily, and looking up at her with a mixture of excitement and embarrassment.

"Is-is it okay? Okay if I-" He swallowed, his voice stuttering and spilled off, and it took her a moment to understand the question, considering the direction his kisses had been heading, and the feel of his finger running the strap of her bra. _Oh right, of course. _She realized with a blush. His words hung in the air. It was him asking her now, he was the one who wanted to take this step forward. Did she want this?

_Of course I fucking want it. _The realization finally began to sink in that he desired her as much as she did him, and that clarity sent blood pounding through her blushing face. Pretending her hands weren't shaking as much as they were, Shion carefully took his hands in hers and placed them on the edge of her shirt. He pulled it up and over her head, shaking like a leaf, as if he couldn't _possibly _be any more awkward than he already had been.

_My turn._ She thought daringly, sliding her hands to gently take the hem of his shirt, slowly pulling it up, waiting for any hint of protest. None came. Carefully, she removed the rumpled white shirt and placed it aside. He sat in front of her, arms pushed down in front of him like he was almost trying to cover himself. She smiled and leaned in, planting a soft, long kiss just on his jawline. She didn't quite expect the half-gasp that came out of him as his back arched reflexively, and she retreated slightly.

"N-no it's okay, that-that was okay." He said shakily, a sort of pleading in his eyes. She didn't hesitate in her response, and began softly planting kisses on his jaw again, then slowly working her way across his neck. Every touch sent jolts of excitement through her, and from the partially-restrained, soft sounds of pleasure coming from him, she was pretty sure it wasn't only her. She pushed closer to him, caution melting away while she still tried to restrain herself, eagerly kissing his throat, then collarbone. She could feel his frantic breathing beneath her lips, and then the shivering sensation of his hands reaching across her bare skin, eagerly, but hesitantly petting around her chest. Knowing what he wanted made her feel temporarily lightheaded.

"Calm down, they're not going to bite you." She said in nervous amusement, then reaching out to take his hand, guiding it to her breast. He was still for a moment, then she resumed kissing just below his throat. That got him going, she noted, and he roughly pushed against her, fondling her. His eagerness only made her more excited, her kisses became less soft and more intense, as did the murmurs of contentment coming from his mouth.

She felt him pull away for a moment, stopping her. This time he took the initiative, returning the favor by kissing down her neck with a renewed boldness, like he couldn't get enough of her. She found herself grinning wildly as his lips again began to stray down her neck, down past her collarbone, this time unobstructed by clothing. She didn't stop him as he made his way to her chest, stroking his hair deeply as he pressed his face against her, kissing with a new passion that she hadn't quite expected from the normally meek Satoshi. _Boys will be boys I guess._ She kissed his head, not bothering to regulate her own sighs of pleasure as his actions sent shivers down her spine.

His hands were moving bolder too, as she felt them feel at her chest, her sides, and reaching around toward her back, slowing down a bit as they picked at the strap. She steadied herself and smiled amused, then without words helped his shaking hands as they undid the simple clip. Continuing to guide him as they discarded it, she held his cheek in one hand, staring into each other's eyes for a lasting few seconds before she pulled him tightly against her, pressing her bare chest against him. His arms wrapped around her and they held each other for a few seconds, drinking in the warmth from their intertwined bodies. Shion couldn't remember feeling as much at peace as she did at that moment.

But peace did not last long. As comfortable and secure as she felt packed up against him, Shion coveted more, as did he. She felt his grip tense firmly, then slowly began to push back against her. She understood, and began to lean back, inviting him onto her.

He took it to heart. They began to lean back in her direction, gradually and haltingly until she was on her back, one leg wrapped tightly around his, as he held himself over her with both arms, breathing heavily. She was aware of how little clothing remained on them, of what the next predictable actions would be, if they were not stopped.

"Are you.. Is it safe? Can we-" He stammered.

"I wouldn't let you if it wasn't." She said with a nervous grin. "It's fine. Coach wouldn't let me go home without that taken care of. There's nothing to worry about." The meaning behind her words was not lost on him, and she saw the spasm of anticipation and hesitation ripple across his face. Seeing his conflict, she pushed herself up a little. "It's okay, Satoshi-kun. It's okay." The words caught a little in her mouth, her mind reflecting upon the meaning of them.

The silence stretched for a second, then broke. Her answer came as he leaned down on her with a slow, passionate kiss, his hands reaching for the hem of her skirt. Again he hesitated for a moment, and again she lent her hands to guide him. A torrent of thoughts poured through her mind as she found herself pushing her skirt and underwear, becoming fully exposed beneath him.

He looked at her, eyes clouded with a mixture of love, lust, and a hint of apprehension that was fading fast. The way she saw him look at her, the way she'd wished he would look at her for so long. He wanted her. He needed her. But she was exactly the same.. She slowly moved her hands down toward the buckle of his pants, unclipping and sliding it off.

He didn't stop her, waiting quietly as she undid the top, and then helping her push his pants down with his left hand, tearing down toward the last barriers of clothing that defended her… what? Purity? Innocence? Honor? At her family's hands, she'd once regained honor through terrible suffering. Was she going to lose it through something as intimate and pleasurable as this?

_To hell with honor then._ She thought, and wrapped her arms securely around him, pulling him toward her. They paused and shared another long, lingering kiss. Hesitation had been replaced by trust now; this was not the place for shame. As they shifted in the sofa together, moving from one phase of their relationship to the next, through the love and pleasure, she knew one thing beyond doubt; nothing was taking him away from her ever again.


End file.
